As many of my faithful readers are aware, I absolutely loath the ‘Pirates’ franchise (see my earlier post ‘Did you Like Pirates of the Caribbean? Then you’re an Idiot’). And I’m not just referring to the widely panned second film ‘Dead Man’s Chest’. I hated the first one equally – including Johnny Depp’s shallow and pedantic acting. The plot was painfully predictable, the script was horrid, and the directing was mediocre. ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ only confirmed what I already knew, while surprising former friends and acquaintances who had previously praised the first film. From filmdom exile, I returned upon the word’s of critics who had the slag stricken from they eyes and finally saw what a debased mockery this franchise is – but unlike the prodigal son, I returned triumphant – the all seeing sage.
One of my favorite reviewers, Stephanie Zacharek, who writes for salon.com, has just published her review of ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End’. Though she was fooled by the first release, she clearly saw the failings of the second and predictably rips the third. I’ve included some choice quotes from here review:
“The third and (please God) final entry in this screamingly successful Disney franchise is, like its predecessors, big on spectacle: There’s so much to look at that you never know where to look.”
“This is a glazed, inhuman, cluttered piece of work, a storytelling mishmash that buries the considerable charms of its actors under heavy drifts of silt.”
“There’s no reason we shouldn’t expect more … Disney will earn back every single piece of eight it spent on “At World’s End,” multiplied exponentially. But maybe moviegoers need to be more like swashbuckling privateers, out for our own pleasure and gain instead of that of the big studios. What if Disney made a “Pirates” movie and nobody came? What if we moviegoers just said, en masse, Talk to the hook, because this peg leg is taking its moviegoing booty elsewhere?”
Ah … if only moviegoers where that enlightened. Instead, the movie industry has slowly numbed us over the past half-industry, convincing the average American that a films budget is directly proportional to its quality and entertainment value. Like sheep, we continue to let Hollywood studios herd us towards they’re crap -which we willingly purchase. They’ve conditioned us to open our wallets whenever they dangle a shiny pretty object in front of our faces. Please – don’t be a sheep. Save your money. Take your family to picnic in the park this weekend. Don’t subject them or yourself to this abomination.